Monday, January 19, 2009

ok. from now on, i'd try my best to use acceptable english in my blog entries. [lots of laughters] =)

i'm seriously stumped.
sometimes i don't really get my class yet sometimes i wonder if they play a huge part in making me who i am today. recently received my edusave scholarship for being in the top 5% in Victoria school.
hmm. come to think of it. its my first time being in the top 5% and only my 2nd time receiving such a scholarship, the other being last year top 10%.

haha. issit because of the pressure of being in a top class? 5B,6B was awesome but wasnt really the best. 1I,2I was definitely not the best. yet somehow i find myself performing much better in 3A. o man i really remember it clearly, back in 2006, i couldn't even break into top 30 in school. in 2007, things were improving and i got 6th in class, 14th in school. i was really very surprised already and thought that i'd really peaked at sec 2. was this a good thing? this left me isolated from band, being the only person in 3A. after one year of being in 3A, i find myself thinking like an 'ELITIST'. sometimes things like 'why can't they be like me?' or 'can't they just be normal?' kind of stuff appears in my mind. its definitely insulting if i were to say it.

recently, i told yun sol that i revised around every 2 days 30mins-1h on a subject. he called me mad. eh?! i try reasoning to him saying that i'm already 'slack' in my class. but everyone calls me a mugger in band. in class, i call other people mugger. how ironic. i find myself really affected by peer pressure. i once made a reply, when asked by a fellow bandmate why am i studying in the morning. i said, maybe cynically but it had some truth in in, 'being in my class, smart is not enough. you'd have to be smarter to 'own' ' this was met with loads of 'wtf walao?' by him.

though i wouldn't show my fear when exams are approaching. but who can deny that they aren't stress, unless their lying. has this 'competitive nature' of me and my class allowed me to show my potential? laughs* in 2008. i got my breakthrough, 4th in class, 4th in school. when i received my scholarship. i thought. what would it be like if i'm in an average class. a class very much like 2I? whether being this smart is a good or bad thing is still a question mark.

why the hell do we actually do this stuff. is it all for experience? this is 2009, the most important year in Victoria School. have i reached my peak? or have i not. 4a'08 left a near impossible to defeat average l1r5 of 7.3, 18- 6 pointers, 10- 7 pointers. meaning nearly the whole class are garuanteed a spot in Victoria junior college.

i'd must be a joke if i say i do not want to join VJC. but, i have my doubts. what if everyone in VJC have views like an elitist, or the classes are very much like mine now, competitiveness at the top. who knows? i say i hate this kind of attitude. but, who am i to criticise. sometimes i really have desires to defeat some people in studies. i will not deny that sometimes i feel pissed when a particular person scores better than me. 4A oh 4A. being in a class where rivals>friends . is it really a blessing in disguise?

i wonder. seeing how i've underperformed in primary school, i'm finally 'flying above' most people right now. but. is being at the top a good thing?

aiming for a 7 point in o'lvl. is it a goal worth mentioning?

Alone at Home Thinking ... [1/19/2009 07:02:00 PM]

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